Insanity begone

        I have left some of the unintelligible posts up as an example of what happens when someone is put through as much perplexing misery as I have. My scatterbrain runs rampant on heightened anxiety from too much pressure and lack of benzodiazepines. 
          It can make you feel like your completely losing your mind when cameras are put in your living quarters without your full awareness of them and no one to confirm or deny your theories of a confusing past. It often feels as though people are talking about me without knowing my identity, only knowing things such as my prior heroine addiction if there were cameras. I just let it all go like always, it comes quite naturally to wipe it away.
         I never choose anything to believe in aside from being a good person because I simply like to be nice and ease suffering if I can. Why believe if I don't have a way to know anything for sure, the universe has endless possibilities. However, at times I worry I'm doing the wrong thing to get me out of the mess I created. I try to have faith in myself a decade ago, trusting that I knew exactly what I was doing, thinking through every risk, making no mistakes and allowing room for unexpected events.
        I know I contradict myself at times, it can be hard to explain everything that goes on up there in my head thoroughly....I will be much more detailed in my memoir.