January 13th, 2021

I find it to be incredibly depressing that despite posting my writings on facebook I have received no friendly messages asking if I'm ok or anything at all from friends. I obviously don't have any. I'm ok with this, as pain is my world, not necessarily in a bad way anymore... but pain and pleasure have become equals now. I simply want answers to the past decade of torture or at least know that two peopler I once cared about more than myself are ok and happy. I know my writings have been a bit "all over the place". It was stressful writing about these events so I won't be posting much more until my entire memoir is finished. 



Was our once love now unspeakable?
Is it frowned upon by those who feel the only way to be holy is to 
relinquish any desires of having a partner in life?

I keep posting these little blog posts hoping they will find the right people. And if my memory isn't faltered then all my friends should know what I did over 9 nine years ago and would have seen the podcast I made. Was it really necessary though for me to go through all this pain without friends?