nostalgia please!

Today I yearned for an old lady in the neighborhood who would take me into her home, feed me tea and crumpets and tell me fascinating stories of her 100 year life (obviously in a british accent). Do any communities out there anymore have that individual where all the kids go when nothing is going on? I hope they do. Her stories might include her spy ex-husband #4 who got poisoned by the koreans in the form of very expensive caviar. (It was really his wife but she won't tell you that). She may also speak of her once biennial trips to South America to take peyote with a shaman who she apparently married (#3) but has no recollection of this. What she does remember on that 2 week period is being fed grapes by unicorns with tiny sweet monkeys sitting on their heads and sky that was always changing from Van Gogh to Monet, to other famous artists and their paintings, most of them impressionists for that is what she liked. She would also tell me stories of how time never meant anything to her and if she wanted to she could climb Everest right now.. but that simply wasn't what she wanted to do right now, she wanted to entertain me with tea and crumpets :)