Written in the Himalayas over a decade ago, 23 on the cusp of nothing to believe. 2010

This is what I came here for. The euphoria that comes with life's revelations. The moments when everything seems perfect the way it is and all doubt evaporates. This is how I felt today while hiking to a majestic Himalayan village. (khati)The scenery unreal, the air crisp with the slight humor of being surrounded by crops of marijuana without the past or present habit, along with vibrant mountain flowers. Life can't Get any better than these moments of bliss. Once again the discomfort of being too comfortable with life's material gifts has lifted and I'm free again to spread my spirit. 

The confusion grows throughout the day
escape there realities or risk the stay?
can I learn more is the question to ask
but then I get comfortable with a mask
My spirit is clouded by the material sheep
and the treasures get lost that I want to keep
the search is on when the boredom expands
and action conspires to meet life's demands
is it okay to leave them behind
in order to clear and treat ones own mind
will the sieve ever let satisfaction through 
or will I always be consuming summer stew?



The intrinsic values that I believe help me to see what I have to achieve. I feel in the dumps today, my purpose too be here has not yet decayed. The weakness I feel around the untrue will make me stronger when performing on cue. Despite there weather and the swastika eyes, no one will be in charge of my demise. Keep the barrier between good and bad, and the expedition will not turn out sad



Despite the last paragraph's foretelling, I had not yet created the self-torturing plan of my own demise. That I unbearably recall was just a moment, split second in time before the madness of unveiled. I hope writing these words that it will have an end, that I do not seem too used to this role. There was always another way, still is with my mind mostly intact. My emotions are still of those June 24th 2011 with much added confusion and desperation to flee. The way others feel is out of my control and completely alright with me, all I ever wanted was truth. 


.....Nearly 34, and knocking on death's door